What the Funk?!

So I must confess, I'm in a funk. Not happy with somethings, just barely getting by with others. I am excited to be going on a vacation to my Grandparent's/Mom's place for 2 weeks! Maybe jaunt in the woods will help me feel better. I do know going hunting will allow me to let off some ggrrrrss. It's been a while since I shot something. That's a good thing though when I'm at home....lol. So I'm watching Intervention. It's about this guy who is a heroin addict. His parents so desperately want him to be well and gain a life of recovery with Christ. The guy feels empty, judged, angry, and in pain. Well, he and I share 2 things, feeling empty and pain. As much as he is addicted to heroin, I'm addicted to myself. What a scary thing to loose control. I believe that God creates each of us with our gifts that are different from anyone else. I was created with a gift of creativity Whether good or bad, I can dream up some stuff! Sometimes it actually gets put on paper or my guitar or the wall at my house. With that I can create this bubble of "unreality" in my mind and heart. It's a hard thing to step out of too. So, here I am trying to step out and change what only I can change, ME. Today I started a new diet and no matter what the others eat in my house I will refuse to bend that way. My health and my son's care depends on it! So while I will try to change my body, I'm going to let Jesus change my heart again and make it healthy. Less dreaming and more of planting myself in the reality of His Word. My true love story isn't in this world or with any person, but it needs to be of His Word. He has a plan for me and I want in on it!


Hey you, the real you, I know you and love you so much I made a plan just for you. It's not to hurt you or make you live a life pain, but it's to shape you and make you holy. I love you. -Jeremiah 29:11 (mpw)

I'm A Crack Pot...

I must confess, I did not do my Bible study this morning. I woke up late and I wanted to stay asleep and I just felt like I didn't need it. SHAAAAME, SHAAAAAME! Yep I know. Everything went just fine today, though I was constantly reminded about skipping out on reading God's Word. So this evening I finally said, ok I'll do it! So for what it's worth I'm gonna share it with you tonight.


I just turned my lamp on and it made the Hubbs huff and puff, so this is gonna be good...lol!


I read Matthew 24:1-4 and here's what it said.... mya, you worry about things here on earth too much. Focus on Me and My Kingdom cause I'm coming back. Watch out that you read My Word for yourself! Many people are on this earth who claim My fame. It's all lies. you don't need someone else to give you My Word, hear it straight from Me! There are wars against everything right now. Rumors of Iran and such places, but don't be afraid, I've already told you about them. There are famines and droughts and earthquakes in D.C. and Japan and so on. These things have to happen before I come back for you. It's the birthing pains.

So, to have a real relationship with someone you have to talk with them right? It's not cool to have a friend who won't let you join in the conversation! Jesus wants a real relationship with me so I get the chance to talk back cause He WANTS to hear my heart.
Here's what I said back:
Thank You Lord Jesus for reminding me all day and making me read this right now, today! Of all days today is Awesome's birthday! Those birthing pains 12 years ago weren't no joke! But, in the end i was left holding this perfect and precious little boy You've allowed me to borrow for 12 years and counting. i can remember the medicine in the middle that took the edge off, Jesus, that's Your Word! Your promised return is the beautiful and precious outcome that is so worth the pain. Thank You for Your promise and thank You for Awesome! Make my heart worthy, through You, of growing and nurturing this truth in the mission field You are sending me to. <3, me


So now you know how I spend my time with Jesus and His Word. I feel a bit vulnerable now cause I'm a bit worried you might think I'm crazy. But, you know what I don't care! I'm a crack pot who's getting patched to become a prepared vessel! ;-)

So, what have you been worrying about lately that is of this world? It's only temporary, so what are you going to do with your borrowed....children, family, and friends?

Jesus Loves Me and My Tattoos

Have ya heard that one before? I am thankful for that, 'cause I love tattoos. I have 'em and I'm getting more of 'em. What do you have that you think would turn Jesus away from loving you?............. *insert loud buzzer here*....... Wrong, there's nothing that can stop His love for you or me. Sure, you could choose to ignore it, tell yourself you're not good enough, or hate to drown it out, but it's still there. You can't stop it. I know, I tried to run away from it in the past. I just knew He couldn't love someone like me, no one else really did. Good to know I'm not right. Do me a favor, don't tell the Hubbs though, ok?

Now that the ice is melted tonight, let's get jiggy with this Jesus speak:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 (NIV)

I know what you're prolly saying, "Oh Snap! You just went there?!" Well yeah, before you can "get it" you have to get it. By "it" I mean God's gift of eternal life. It's as easy as A B C. Admit you're a sinner, Believe that Jesus is God's Son that came to earth to sacrifice His life for yours and my sins, and Confess Him as Lord. But, there's a catch! You can't just do it half-way. You have to SEEK Him.

Real you, I love you, really. I love you so much that I sent My Son to earth to take the punishment for your sins. Just believe that and Let Me be your Lord. Let Me change your heart. I will heal your scars and cover them with love. You will be Mine forever. John 3:16 (mpw)

That's what He is saying to me. I only wish I would have heard Him sooner.

Already did that? this is a refresher for ya! He still loves you and you're still His forever.

Well, me and my tattoos are gonna get some sleep. I stay up way too late at night. HHHmmmm, maybe God created me that way for a reason. I gotta find a way I can glorify Him when I can't sleep! Tonight though sleep has come. I'm gonna end this before I start talking sleep talk. The Hubbs is doing that right this minute (Jessica Rabbit knows what I mean!) Till next time.....tell me a little about your scars and how Jesus' love covered them.

My Real Life

Well, seeing as how I'm going to be sharing my real life struggles and Jesus' real life instruction to me, I gotta share my real family too. Believe me there is nothing more real than my family. No fairy tales here sister! So who gets to go first? Well, I'll go. This is the real me....





On a real good day at a real good angle. I've recently turned 30, found out I have PCOS (the reason I haven't been able to get preggo for 5 years), finishing up the process on becoming a foster parent, found out that the world DOESN'T revolve around me, realized that my Savior is calling me to do and go, where I haven't found out yet. The Hubbs will loudly protest to that last one.

Next up we have my son Awesome...





Thursday he will turn 12. Everyday he melts my heart, gives me a workout, connects me to that checkered past of mine, reminds me to love and pray, teaches me what is important like laughing and farting and napping and playing pranks, keeps me real close on his many doctors cases, keeps me in AWE of the person God created him to be. Next to get that elephant out of that corner over there....When Awesome was 3 a T.V. fell on his head and crushed while he was away. He hasn't spoken since then. So I've had to learn a new language, of the heart. Such a beautiful disaster happened that day. That was weird sounding huh? Well what I mean is that time was the beginning of my spiral down to rock bottom and where do you go from there?


So next we have.......





Gnarls Barkley and his parental unit Bluto, otherwise known as The Hubbs. Gnarls is 14 going on 27. The only thing in life that should be important is him and Black Ops. He just started high school this year. The Hubbs will be 39 in October. He's a people person. One minute with him and you'll divulge your deepest darkest secrets. But don't worry, they are safe with us. The Hubbs is a hard worker and will stand up for me against my checkered past and that's important to me.


Being a real family we also have real pets. Real annoying, real cute, really wish they would stop playing dumb, real loving boogers.





This is the golden child, when he doesn't potty in the house. This is the all loving Dexter (real name) McLovin' (nicname) Fat Heiffer (when he farts name).






This is Elvis (big black man) and Gunther (psycho). The Great Danes. Elvis has some brain damage from lack of oxygen at birth, so he's simple and very very very loving.


Last but not the least we have





Cali Cat, a brat through and through.


This real family of mine keeps me in constant contact with Jesus, cause I can't get enough of His Grace. So with that I'll leave you with another verse that after a day in this house I'm truly thankful that God's Word is real



God doesn't make me fearful, He gives me power, a heart full of love, and a MIND THAT IS SOUND. -2 Timothy 1:7 (mpw)

My First Post

Well, here's my first post. Kinda like your first mustache, thin and AWKWARD. Sorry, mustaches are on my mind tonight because I just bought some fake 'staches for my son's 12th birthday. I'm ready for one of my friends to have a baby boy so I can throw a Little Man party for a baby shower! So anyways.... I hope that my blog will introduce to you a real life relationship with Jesus, cause that's what I got! I'm not perfect in any way! I struggle to stay in a size 18 jeans, I have a checkered past that I just can't shake, every day I have to fight myself to give up control and submit to God's plan and I never do it right. The only thing I think I do right is Seek HIM. That's what Jesus has asked me to do because I can't do the rest, He has to do it in me. Now, before my friends or passers-by comment on my posts and say "you're better than that" or "that's too harsh" please don't! I'm not looking for any sympathy. God talks to me in His Word. He knows my heart and He knows how He needs to talk to me to get to my heart, where the change needs to happen. I hope I'm able to just share His truth through this real life of mine. No deep theology will be discussed here because I'm no scholar! We are called to come like children anyways. His word is simply put for my instruction with no hidden codes or meanings! Well I think I need to go wind down or I'll never get up early enough to try and find a new Sunday School class! I will just leave you with a verse....


As high as the sky is above the earth, so great is God's Love for you and me.
-Psalms 103:11 (mpw)

(mpw) = My plain words